Photo by Pepe Reyes on Unsplash
I think I need a stopping point.
What I struggle with so often is finding a place to discontinue my current project and move into something else important to me.
I see it everyday when I am sitting at the dining room table with my work papers spread out around my laptop. Then at 3:30 the kids burst through the door after having gotten off the bus.
If I am in the middle of composing an email or reading an article or some other kind of project, I have a hard time stopping. Or if its time to start making supper, but I haven’t emptied my email inbox yet, I have a hard time stopping.
I remember realizing this hang up was why I spent my academic years procrastinating and then pulling an all-nighter to complete a big research project.
I don’t like getting into a train of thought and then putting it on hold. I don’t like starting something and then having to stop before I’m finished.
This idiosyncrasy doesn’t work well with spiritual development.
It’s very seldom that I get to steal away for a few days to dive deep into introspection, to absorb myself with reflection, to stop my harried life for some lingering in the Word. Personal growth, spiritual growth gets pushed to the back burner for more seemingly urgent tasks in the day-to-day.
How do I get myself to stop in the middle of the hustle to focus on what I know is the priority?
I think that’ll be the trick. Being able to stop in the middle of the madness even without a tidy stopping point.
- Is this a discipline issue?
- Is it a personality issue?
It seems that everywhere I turn, the answer to what ails me is meditation. Or deep breathing. Or journaling. Or some other kind of ‘stop the rush and hurry to sit and do a quiet thing’ answer.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Maybe this is the cause of my craving for margin. For having leisure time to use for doing what typically gets pushed aside. I need these practices. But I don’t know how to make room for them.
Therein lies the rub.
The very solution to my predicament is precisely what I cannot seem to do.
Where is the hope?
If my well-being depends on me getting this right, doesn’t that contradict “Grace”?
But then, if I never care enough to do the hard work of prioritizing, it doesn’t seem all that important to me after all, right?